"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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