Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
