When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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