ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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