I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
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Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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