thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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