just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
