Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
