Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
