Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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