All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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