so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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