One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
