I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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