I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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