wakey wakey hands off snakey
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
