If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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