The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
