It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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