clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I forget how to act sober
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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