I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
