Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
