FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
