you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
