If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
