she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
