eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
