I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
