meet me or not, i'm out of control
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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