A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
