And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
