did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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