and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
