Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
