You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
