I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
