so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
