You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
