If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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