If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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