I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
