my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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