You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize