im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
