Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
