dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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