I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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