yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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