My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
