i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
im on a boat
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