evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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