I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
