New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am midnight drunk by noon
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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