Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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