I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
