Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
