also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize