Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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