Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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