You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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