p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
pray to the hookup gods
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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