Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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