Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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