I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
