I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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