I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
