dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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