having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I know her cup size but not her name....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
