i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
