So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
