we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
