She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
