I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
