Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
