Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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